OK, the word is out. I’m uncaged, unplugged, and ready to unleash HVAC marketing weaponry for all NEWS readers.

Today, it becomes “public” knowledge that The NEWS — in a glaring demonstration of misjudgment — has asked me to be their marketing columnist. Woe be unto them. Perhaps unto you as well. My first “real” article is later this month, but the blog is apparently, today.

Managing Editor Kyle Gargaro said, “Just keep it informal. Write what you want to write, something that may invite comments.” So here goes…Just got a letter in the mail from our insurance company. It begins, “We welcome you to a new world of quality service; a clearer vision of the future; and our new logo which encompasses this message than ever before.”

I almost became ill.

Do they, in an economy reminiscent of the Titanic’s maiden voyage, actually think I give a rip about their logo? Never saw such a self-absorbed, meaningless effort at corporate hogwash in my life. Or at least since I got the last letter on an equally moot point.

Makes me wonder if you handed a prudent businessperson the $80,000 for the “new corporate identity” and the $310,000 to mail the 255,000 regional customers (math gathered from a local agency estimating the creative and fulfillment cost) maybe they could’ve come up with something better.

Makes me wonder how the board meeting to blow nearly $400 grand of customer’s money on this frivolity got the high-five, right before they started pouring the 14-year-old Scotch. Sickening.

As a marketer, it mostly made me wonder how that added a dime of value, another sale, another customer, or a worthwhile benefit. If handed the funds, how would you have spent the money for your company?