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Murphy's Law: A Few Good Salesmen

October 18, 2007
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This came from some anonymous source, but it’s just too good to pass up the parody of Jack Nicholson and Tom Cruise in “A Few Good Men.”

SALES: "You want answers?"

OPERATIONS: "I want the truth!"

SALES: You can’t handle the truth. But I'll answer the question. Son, we live in a world that requires revenue. Who's going to find it? You, in operations? We have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You scoff at Sales & Marketing and you curse at our incentives. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what we know, that while current results are tragic, we're driving new sales and that our efforts, while resented and misunderstood by you, drives revenue! You don't want to know the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at staff meetings, you want us on that sale; you need us on that sale!

We use words like comps, upgrades, discounts; we use these words as the backbone of the time spent negotiating something that matters. You use them as a punch line!

I have neither the time nor inclination to explain ourselves to people who rise and sleep under the very blanket of income I provide and then question the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said "thank you" and went on your way.

Otherwise I suggest you pick up the phone and solicit some customers. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!

OPERATIONS: Did you or did you not expense the golf?

SALES: You're damn right I expensed the golf!
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