For the 33 years we have been in our home, I have been hanging the outdoor Christmas lights. Over the last few years, my wife insists that I have become crabbier and crabbier from doing it. In her words I’ve become an old f—t. This year, she talked me into calling “a guy” to put up the lights. We met with him, agreed on a price, and what work would be done two days before Thanksgiving. He promised the work would be done the week after Thanksgiving. I must say, I let out a sigh of relief; one less thing I would have to worry about this year. Little did I realize what lie ahead.