Emily, remember when you begged for my credit card so you could purchase those “must-have” clothes online? (To refresh your memory, I came through — and, unfortunately, so did that astronomical bill.)

Molly, remember when you wanted that DVD player for Christmas? Or, a swimming pool in the backyard? (OK, so it is an above-ground pool, but it is 6-ft deep and always c-c-c-cold — which wouldn’t be a problem if we lived in hot and humid Arizona or Texas. I’ll agree that what we have is good for the two or three 90 degree F-plus summer days in Michigan.)

You know that your father loves both of you and would do anything for you, right? (Well, except maybe get another blasted cat. Or hamster, dog, or bird. Let’s put it this way, Molly: When you become that veterinarian you want to be, you can have all the animals you want — in your own house.)

With Father’s Day approaching — and that would be June 16, by the way — I want to pass along a gift idea you can give to dear ol’ dad. It won’t cost you a cent. It’s not hard to do. And you only need that thing that you two are always fighting over. (No, not the car: the computer.)

WANTED: TEE-SHIRT, NO TIE

Here is your opportunity to tell the world how there is no one just like your father. (Never mind that I went ballistic when I found out you two threw away all of the basketball and tennis trophies I had won when I was young, in shape, and had black hair. C’mon. Get over it. I only cry about this tragedy every third day.)

At this site, visitors are being asked to post stories that tell the world why their dads are cool, read and share other engaging tales, and print out a special “cool” certificate of merit to present to their dads — and, again, this is at no cost to you. (Wink wink, nudge nudge.)

I really want one of you to win one of the limited-edition “Father of Cool” tee-shirts. It beats getting another tie for Father’s Day. Boy, I’d wear that shirt proudly — at work, at play, mowing the lawn, cleaning the cat boxes (which you each failed to do — again).

While you are at this site, check out the information on Dr. Willis H. Carrier, considered “the inventor of modern air conditioning.” (Without his invention, Emily, I’m not sure you could survive. You have to have the air cranked when it gets over 75 degrees. And don’t even think about rolling down the car windows.)

COOL? YOU SAID IT

Think about it. His invention made indoor sports and summer blockbuster movies possible. His invention facilitated the growth of the microchip and pharmaceutical industries. Some even credit him for the rise of the New South and the Sun Belt.

This site also features the never-before-published personal memories of Dr. Carrier’s life from Edna Littlehales, whom Dr. Carrier took in as an orphan at age 12 and supported through marriage. Now 82 years young, Mrs. Littlehales shares her fondest memories of Dr. Carrier, whom she considers a father figure, over several installments during the next few weeks.

Now, Carrier Corp. is calling its founder “Father of Cool.” (You two know better. C-o-o-l is my middle name, right? It’s pretty cool that the loud snoring from the master bedroom can wake each of you at night in your respective bedrooms. Or that you can make it to the concert on time, thanks to my “cool” highway maneuvers. The fact I can still keep up with each of you on the bicycle path is downright frigid.)

No way? Way!

Skaer is editor-in-chief. He can be reached at 248-244-6446; 248-362-0317 (fax); markskaer@achrnews.com (e-mail).

Publication date: 06/03/2002