I think that U.S. businesses are trying to spoil their employees. How else would you explain traveling masseuses, paintball games, karaoke contests, flextime work schedules, and tailgate parties? Well, maybe not tailgate parties. Some businesses will do anything to make the workplace fun and appealing - geesh.

What is this world coming to?

I got some of these ideas from an award ceremony I recently attended where winners were dubbed “the coolest place to work.” The reasons employees enjoyed going to work each day, according to the various winning entries, went far beyond the normal perks such as salary and benefits. Employees liked to engage in board game contests and mid-day movie watching - to cut out the ho-hum of the everyday work grind.

Gimme a break.

If I want to cut out the ho-hum I’ll play some online euchre or read the latest sports headlines at ESPN (on my own time, boss). I don’t see the point of coddling employees with such trite things like impromptu basketball games and free flying lessons. Are you kidding me? What happened to letting them nap after lunch or taking an extra long smoke break?

I think we are getting too soft, catering to the whimper of the Gen Xers and future corporate leaders. Heaven help us if the next generation of CEOs require ping pong tables in every break room and Monet artwork on cubicle walls.

Get tough employers! Stop caving in to the finicky demands of your workers. And if they don’t like your get tough policies, let ‘em go to work for that softie down the street. You never needed them in the first place. Our trade has more people waiting for jobs than there are jobs to be filled. So lose the video game machines and bring back the water coolers. And make sure you ration one cup per employee per shift.

Whew. I’m done now - time to remove the tongue from my cheek.