Gargaro's World: What Job Ads Really Mean

July 6, 2009

With the U.S. unemployment rate hovering around 9 percent, there are a lot of good people out there looking for jobs. In addition, there are always people with jobs who are looking for new jobs. None of your employees I am sure, but they are out there.

Keeping that in mind, I thought I would share an e-mail that made it into my inbox this week. It helps job seekers understand what certain phrases they see in a job ad really mean. Hope this helps.

Competitive salary: We remain competitive by paying you less than our competition.

Join our fast-paced company: We have no time to train you.

Some overtime required: Some every night and some every weekend.

Duties will vary: Anyone in the office can boss you around.

Must have an eye for detail: We have no quality assurance.

Career-minded: Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

Apply in person: If you’re old, fat, or ugly, you’ll be told that the position has been filled.

Seeking candidates with a wide variety of experience: You’ll need it to replace the three people who just quit.

Problem-solving skills a must: You’re walking into perpetual chaos.

Requires team leadership skills: You’ll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

Good communication skills: Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want, and do it.